Exaggerated Realities
‘It will not be well with all of you in this hostel’ I yelled… Someone had moved my weapon of war from my box. Dress that I just bought a few weeks before, I had not even worn it sef. I was keeping it for the perfect occasion. So me that didn’t rock it since, I don’t have sense abi? I was so sure it was someone in my room, because it wasn’t the first time someone was shifting my dress in that room. The first time I let it slide, but this one, lai lai.
‘Hello Naya’, he said, with his strong British accent. The next thing I heard myself say was ‘Who’s this?’. I didn’t plan that lie o, but my smart subconscious always takes pre-eminence. Since the plan was to let Lade think I was not that into him, that was a very good response for him. Men like Lade tend to think that woman are impressed by them and what they represent, so when a woman isn’t smitten by them, they see her as a conquest and try to conquer her. Since I wanted to be Lade’s woman, I had to make it look like I wasn’t interested so that he would up his game and try to conquer me. Then I will enter formation like I want and uncle will think he won me over by himself. Am I a genius or what?
God will punish Airtel and its owners. They were the ones that distracted me from my mission of no return and after that, it was as if the Holy Spirit descended on Lade. His erection had disappeared and he started acting like a fish out of water, explaining how we had just met and how he didn’t want to take advantage of me. Egba mi, who advantage help? Please take advantage of me abeg.
In a few minutes, Lade bid his friends farewell and told them he was taking me home. They all gave him the ‘we know what you people are going to do’ look. Lade and I gave them the ‘we don’t understand you people’ look. I don’t know if Lade was faking his own o, but me I was faking my own. I knew where we were going and what we were going to do, na wetin I kuku dey plan. When we got downstairs, the same bouncers hailed him again and he gave them some more money. In my mind I was just like ‘this is a generous one. Martina, hold him tight’.
He didn’t just butter my bread, He gave me tea to go with it. The tea was laced with plenty milk and sugar. LOL. This red Range Rover Evoque pulled over beside me. I know it was nyash he saw that made him stop. When he came down from the car, I wanted to melt. This one was proper Nutella; tall, dark and handsome. Just like fine wine, his sexy torso was so visible from body hugging Ralph Lauren t-shirt. He smelled very expensive.
Osheyyy… I finally found a way out. Firstly I tried snooping out the rich boys on Instagram and that one didn’t work. When I am not a witch, how will I know which handle belongs to a rich man? Meeting a man online was definitely not working so I had to find him offline and definitely not on this dry mainland. God forbid. I would go to the Island, on a Friday night. I can’t be searching for man on a Monday morning. Where I wan see am?
Hi. My name is Naya. But my parents call me Ifunaya and I hate it, but I dare not correct them. They will kill me. I am 23 years old. Beautiful, brainy and a body to die for. I am a recent graduate of Mass Communications from the prestigious University of Lagos. I am going to take you on an interesting journey, one that earned me the title, ‘The Lagos Side Chick’.
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