“Hey baby.” I was so excited. I hadn’t spoken to my boyfriend in days. He was always missing my calls so we only talked on WhatsApp once in a while. So you can imagine my excitement when he called me.
“Hey love. How are you?” He said over the phone.
“I am fine o. Just where you left me since.” I replied.
“I didn’t leave you now. How can I? I’ve just been really busy finding contracts. You know I’m working to take care of you” he said.
“Aww. You’re so sweet”. Fayo was disgusted. She didn’t like Wayas at all.
“That’s why you love me” He replied. I giggled. I did love him. He was every woman’s dream. Handsome, well built, tall, bearded. Gosh, I was lucky to have Wayas. He was a hard worker too. He didn’t have a job, but he had a friend who was helping him out, so he could get contracts. It hadn’t paid off yet, but I was sure it would soon.
“Babe, I need a favor”. He said.
“Sure. What’s up?”. I asked eagerly.
“I need about 200,000 naira.”
“200k?” I shouted.
“What do you need all that money for?” I asked.
“Well, if you must know, Kunle is asking me for 50k to continue helping with the contract stuff. My mum is ill and needs about 80k for treatment. The remaining 70k is for miscellaneous expenses. Happy now?” He sounded offended.
“Your mum is sick? I didn’t know o. Since when?” I asked.
“Some weeks ago.”
“No wonder you have been MIA since. I’m sorry for probing too much” I pleaded.
“No wahala. So when am I getting it?”
“Ehmm… Tomorrow or next.”
“Ok. Thank you.”
Before I could say any other thing, he hung up.
The next voice I heard was Fayo’s.
“I wonder what you’re doing with that idiot. He is just fine for nothing. No brain, no sense, no future, nothing. Worst of all, he doesn’t even like you, not to talk of love sef”. She hissed.
“Aunty, you’re just jealous, that you that is a slay queen can’t get yourself a man. Whereas somebody like me, that isn’t a slay queen has a man. Not just any man o, a very fine one”. I laughed.
“Exactly my point. No offense, but Wayas is too fine to be dating you…”
“So you’re saying I don’t deserve the good things of life abi?” I retorted.
“No Teni. That’s not what I am saying. Superficial fine boys like Wayas don’t date girls like you. Think about it, do you know any of his friends or family? Any one at all? Even if you met them by accident?” She asked.
“No. We’re taking things slow. Trying to know each other better first before we move to the next level.” I answered.
“I’m sure this was Wayas’ idea. So after 8 months in a relationship, it’s not time to take it to the next level abi?” She queried.
“Like I said, slowly. It’s a matter of time”
“My friend shut up. The stupid boy has brain washed you finish and because you think you don’t deserve him, you have accepted all his terms just to keep him. The only reason he’s with you is because of money. Can’t you see it? He doesn’t care about you or your well being. I am sure that 200k now, he’ll spend it on another woman…”
“Don’t say that Fayo. Wayas is not a cheat. He can’t cheat on me.” I cut in.
“That’s the assurance you give yourself abi? Darling, you need to leave that boy. He’s just using your head. To him, you’re not a girlfriend but a maga…”
“Stop it Fayo. I am not a maga. He is my boyfriend and I am supposed to support him in times like this. His mom is ill. He needs the money to treat her.”
“Heiiii” Fayo shouted and clapped her hands.
“He is now wishing sickness on his mother just to obtain you. Lobatan.”
“Haba. I don’t think anyone will use a serious matter like this to lie. His mother must be actually sick.” I had to defend my man. Fayo could not be dragging him just like that.
“This guy. Oya help me and help yourself. This uncle will break up with you last last and me I don’t have power to go through the heartbreak with you. So save both of us the stress and just break up with him. It would be easier to get over him that way.” She suggested.
“I am not going to break up with my boyfriend because of your stupid assumptions Fayo.” I said angrily.
“Oya no vex. Since you doubt me, let’s put him to the test. I know you have never disappointed him when he asks for money. Have you?”
“No I haven’t. What are you driving at?” I was curious to find out.
“Ni suru. Your gra gra is too much. You know what will happen ehnn, you’re not going to send him that money. Every time he calls you, give him an excuse. If by next week he is still sweet towards you, then I will apologize. If he breaks up with you before then, you will apologize to me and carry your heartbreak cross alone. Deal?”
Before I could answer, my phone rang again. It was the witch, Onome. First Badmus, now Onome, it was too suspicious.
“It’s Onome.” I told Fayo.
“Ehnn… pick it now, let’s hear what she wants.” Fayo urged.
I picked up the phone and put it on speaker.
“Teni. My darling. How are you?” She said jovially.
Fayo and I were shocked. Darling ke? Why was Onome sounding like we were best friends? Something was definitely wrong.
“Good evening to you too Onome.” I said coldly.
“Haba Teni. You don’t have to be so cold. I have great news for you.” She said.
“What? You want to fire me now?”
“No joor. I am calling to tell you to resume work tomorrow. Forget I said anything about suspension today.”
I looked at Fayo. Fayo gestured to me to refuse.
“Well, Mr Kolawole already called me and said the same thing” I said.
“He did?” Onome was obviously shocked and so was Fayo. I signaled to Fayo to hold on.
“Yes he did. I already told him I wasn’t resumimg tomorrow. I mean it would be a slap on your face if I disobeyed you and obeyed him. Right?” Sarcasm was clear in my voice.
“You turned down Badmus, sorry Mr Kolawole?” Onome shouted.
“Yes and he was very proud of me. In his words, ‘It’s wonderful of you to have justified your boss. Many people in a similar situation would have said terrible things about her.’ So you see Onome, you should thank me. I saved your face.” Fayo giggled.
Onome didn’t have anything to say for the first time.
“Are you still there?” I asked.
“Yes yes” she said.
“Ok. By the way sef, how did Mr Kolawole find out about my suspension?”
Before I knew it, the line was dead. Fayo and I laughed hysterically before doing a high five.
“Teniscoco. You’re already dealing with Onome even before you go back to that office. By the time you get there ehnn, she won’t even recognize you”. Fayo said.
“Did you hear when she said Badmus? Then quickly said Mr Kolawole?” We both laughed.
“Useless girl. I don’t know whether she thinks all of us are stupid.”
“Abi o. She thought I was joking when I said two can play that game.” I said.
“Ehnn Teni, you didn’t tell me Badmus called you o.” Fayo said.
“That’s the gist I had for you now”.
I told her about the phone call.
“Better person. I am glad you didn’t accept. For Onome to be swallowing her words now, there must be war in her kingdom and she is trying to salvage the situation.” Fayo said.
“May the war in her kingdom kill her.” I hissed.
Fayo laughed and said,
“Why so harsh na?” I laughed too.
“See how you are running your mouth for Onome o. If it’s Wayas now, you will be doing like mumu.” Fayo said.
“You have started with this Wayas talk again o. Leave me and my boyfriend na.” I said.
“Leave you ke? I am not leaving you o. Till I prove to you that Wayas is a waste. So is our deal on?”
“Yes it is. I’ll show you that my boyfriend isn’t a waste.”
“No wahala. We go see.” She smiled.
“Oya what are we eating for dinner? Because me I can’t go to bed with an empty stomach” I heard my stomach rumble.
“This is how you have been spoiling your shape. How won’t you have a bulging stomach? When you’re looking for food past 10pm.” Fayo sneered.
“Hian. So I should now die in the name of figure 8? Abeg Abeg. I’m going to make noodles. Man cannot come and die.” I walked to the kitchen, only to find the store locked. I didn’t understand.
“Fayo. Why is the store locked?” I walked back to the living room.
“Because my house is not a fattening room. We will only eat between 7am and 7pm. Before and after, the store will be locked.” Fayo announced.
“You can’t be serious” I said in disbelief.
“I am very serious. Take this as phase two of your makeover. You need to loose all that fat around your stomach. This is a first step towards that.” She smiled.
I sat down helplessly. I told Fayo to help me win Onome, not kill me. I started asking myself if I really needed the makeover. While in thought, I dozed off. Fayo woke me up and told me to go to bed. I managed to drag myself to bed and before I knew it, I was fast asleep.
Morning came quickly and Fayo was up early, prancing about the house. Soon she was at my bedside.
“Wake up,” She tapped me continuously.
I rolled over and opened my eyes.
“It’s morning already?” I asked.
“No o. It’s night. Get up joor. You think you can sleep the whole day because you’re not going to work abi? Common get up.”
“Ohh God. Did they send you?” I cried.
I managed to get out of bed, only to find out that Fayo was waking me up to the worst horror of my life.