“This my dear Teni, is what you call kayanmata” She said as she showed me the different things. There were some in small bottles that looked like juju. Other things in bigger containers and bottles. She even had a bundle of what looked like dried ugwu tied up together.
I took each of them and examined them.

“What in God’s name is kayanmata?” I asked her.

“Well, it’s something northern women use to keep their husband glued to them. They’re herbal aphrodisiacs. Once you use them, they didn’t born any man you straff well if he doesn’t come back for more.”

“Nothing I will not see. Have you used them before?”

“Yes now. How do you think I am able to keep my millionaire boyfriend? millions of men who flock round me constantly. This is the secret o. All the sharp girls in Lagos are using it.”

“You have millionaire boyfriend and you’re still searching for men on the bridge. Na wa.” I laughed.

“This guy. Variety is the spice of life. Besides, haven’t you heard this saying, ‘Never let your boyfriend keep you from finding your husband.’”

“Story.”

“Stay there.”

“But Fayo, this thing looks like jazz now. Me I don’t want to fight any spiritual battle o. Not the one I will use one thing now and create problem for myself. Spirit husband will start pursuing me up and down.”

“Shut up abeg. You will just open your mouth and only nonsense will be coming out. I said it’s herbal, not jazz. Most of these herbs are found in the north. If it’s jazz, will it be sold everywhere?”

“Me I have said my own o. I cannot tell myself stories that touch.”

“Nothing will happen Teni. You can fear ehnn. This thing that is supposed to be helping your life, you’re talking about jazz.”

“Ok o. So which one am I using?” I raised the different items one after the other.

“This one and this one for now.” Fayo pointed to two items. One was a liquid in a small brown bottle, while the other was like a paste in a medium sized cup.

“What are they for?”

“This one,” she raised the medium cup up.

“Is called favor soap. You just take your bath with it and you’d be favored by everyone. People will want to do things for you.”

“Just like that?” I was stunned.

“Yes now.”

“This brown bottle nko? What’s it for?” I pointed to the bottle.

“This one is called attraction oil. You just rob it on your forehead and chest and bam, all the men in Lagos will notice you. That’s why it’s small like this. You only use it when you’re going somewhere where better men are. If you like use it when you’re going to market. It’s barrow boy that will follow you.”

“What am I not gonna see in this my life? Favor soap and attraction oil.” I laughed hysterically.

“Be laughing o. When it works now, it’s the same you that will come back for more” she hissed.

“But Fayo o, where did you get these things?”

“Instagram now. You don’t know you can find anything on Instagram these days? Just search for kayanmata and the names of people who sell will show. Only thing is that you have to be careful, because some of them are fake.” She advised.

“So you, how did you know the real one to buy?”

“I studied their entire page thoroughly now. As I am, I can tell you the ones that stole testimonials from others.”

“Mama the mama. This is where they will see you o.” I hailed.

“Abegi. Leave kayanmata first. Let us face our liposuction matter first. Which clinic do you think we should check out?”

“How will I know? Is it not you that said we should go to clinic?”

“You don’t know anything. So I have to do everything for you? You cannot research and find a clinic yourself?”

“Fayokunmi. This is your idea. So do the research. You know I am like a puppet in your hands now. So what do I know?”

“Na wa for puppet. I’ll find a place by tomorrow. Then we can take it from there.”

“No wahala. So does this mean that you’re going to stop starving me? I mean since I’m getting liposuction done, I don’t need to watch what I eat.”

“Ode. Do you think all the people maintaining their great bodies are maintaining it with pounded yam? You’re still going to watch what you eat.”

“Na wa o. All this punishment on top revenge.”

“This guy. I don’t have your time. I have a date tonight. Let me go and prepare.”

“Osheyy. With who?”

“One guy I met last week o. He has been disturbing my life, that he wants to see me. So I finally agreed to see him today.”

“That’s nice”

“He better have money because me I don’t have time to waste with any broke idiot.”

“Na wa. Me I am going to find something to eat abeg. I am hungry.”

I stood up and went into the kitchen to find food. Aunty Fayo agreed to open the store on the condition that I was going to eat only sweet potatoes. I started making dinner and before I was done, Fayo was ready to leave.

“How do I look?” She twirled in the kitchen. She was wearing a short black dress and bright red heels.

“You look good. The guy you’re following out won’t be able to tell that you’re mad.” I laughed.

“You’re mad.” She walked out of the kitchen.

“Bye. Have fun.” I shouted behind her.

I heard her bang the door and I continued cooking my meal. Soon I was done and I dragged myself to the living room. My joints had been aching since I came home. I didn’t say anything to Fayo because I knew she would yab me.

While I ate, I looked at the things Fayo had given me to use. A part of me didn’t believe that those things could actually attract a man. I decided to use it the next morning and see if Badmus would be attracted to me.

I finished my meal and decided to retire to bed early. Knowing Fayo, she definitely wasn’t going to come home early. If I waited up for her, I would be shooting myself in the leg because she would be on my neck early in the morning.

The next morning, I woke up at 6am and Fayo was still asleep. She must have come back very late for her to still be asleep. I shook her and woke her up.

“Madam wake up. We’re already late.” I said.

“Jesus. We’re late for work?” She jumped out of the bed.

As Fayo jumped out, there was the most unexpected turn of events that left us in a state of confusion.

36 comments on “Side Chick Wars- S1E13”

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