Side Chick Wars- S2E5

“Excuse me?” Onome said.

“I said they no born you well to try am!” Fayo said.

“You’re not in a position to tell me what I can and can’t do in my department.” Onome said coldly.

“So you better go back to your department and mind your business.” She added.

“Push me now.” Fayo dared.
Onome clenched her fist towards Fayo then paced up and down the office. The office had come to a standstill as they were all focused on the drama that I had successfully started. I went to Fayo to calm her down.

“Fayo you need to stop this and go back to your office.” I said.

“Stop what? What have I done?” She asked.

“This nonsense you’re about to do will not help anybody. We’ll all get in trouble.”

“Well someone has to teach this high class idiot a lesson.”

Onome charged towards her again.

“Who are you calling an idiot?!” She shouted.

“Who else? You’re the only idiot I see around here.”

“Somebody get this demented woman out of my office before I do something we’d both regret!” She screamed.

I knew Onome was hot tempered, but I had never seen her like this. Her hands were literally shaking. It was obvious she was enraged.

“Fayo stop this and go. I’ll handle it.” I said weakly to Fayo.

I knew she wouldn’t stop. Fayo hated Onome with a passion and she had been looking for an opportunity like this. She wasn’t going to just go away like that.

“I’m not going anywhere!” She said to me.

Then she turned back to Onome,

“You’re the only demented one here. You think the whole world should bow at your feet? Because you are what? Ordinary HR manager? So the whole of Lagos will not have peace? Wo, if you try me, I will show you that Lagos belongs to me first before it belongs to you and it would give me great joy doing it.”

“I’m not going to banter words with a street urchin like you. Because you had the privilege of moving from Oshodi to Lekki, you think that you’re all that.”

“O ga o!” Fayo clapped her hands.

“When I say you’re demented now, they will think I am lying. Who is acting like she’s all that between the both of us? At least I was in Lagos before you came here. Where did you come from again? The slums of Warri? You’re a street urchin just like me. So if them born you well, open your mouth to say rubbish again.”

I was confused. I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. It was all my fault. I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I knew Fayo would turn a deaf ear to my pleas so I went to Onome.

“I’m so sorry about this Onome. Please calm down.” I begged.

“I don’t know how they could have hired a fool like you. This is all your fault. You brought this tout here to insult me abi? Ok now. At the end, we’ll see who will suffer for it.” She said.

I became infuriated too. She didn’t have the right to just insult me like that, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong to her. This time, I was the one charging.

“Listen Onome. The fact that I have been sucking up to you doesn’t make me a fool. Don’t think that because you’re the boss around here, you can treat people anyhow. I won’t take it again.”

“Oh please! You rightly said it. I’m the boss. I’m the one in charge of things around here. Not you. So you better take your sorry self and this useless girl you call a friend out of here!”

“Ehnn! Who are you calling useless?” Fayo shouted as Onome laughed.

“Fayokunmi, farabale.” I gestured to her to calm down.

“Do you know your problem Onome? You think the race is for the swift. Whereas, it’s for the smart. You’re always ahead and you don’t even realize when the whole game has changed behind you.”

“So who is the smart one? You?” She laughed again.

“Is it you before?” Fayo asked her.

“I’d like to think so. In fact, yes. It’s me. If not, tell me why they made me boss over her.” She said.

“You really want me to tell you?” I asked.

“Yes. Tell me.”

This girl was daring me. I was trying so hard not to spill anything, because I knew that if I did, it would become an office scandal and it wouldn’t be pretty for Onome or Badmus or Fayo or me. So I kept quiet.

“You can’t talk now? After running your mouth?”

“Aunty. We all know that Teni is better than you. She has the brains and you’re just a stupid figure head. You think we don’t know that she does most of your work that you use to shine? You better maintain your lane before you cause more trouble for yourself. Me I have said it, I have nothing to lose. It’s Teni that I am considering. But if you try me, I’ll give myself the pleasure of beating you to a pulp. I swear to God.” Fayo said.

“As far as I am concerned, you’re chatting trash. Both of you. You’re just jealous of me. Especially you, Fayo.”

“Jealous of who? You? Why? Because you’re opening your legs for all the men in this office?” Fayo dropped the bomb.

“Excuse me?” Onome said.

“Fayo! Stop!” I said.

“Leave me joor. Let me put this useless girl in her place.” She said to me.

Then turning to a dazed Onome she said,

“Oh, you think no one knows? Well, let me shock you. I know. I know that you slept with one of the executives to get your promotion. What am I even saying sef. I know that you’re still sleeping with him. I know he bought you that wretched car you drive and paid for your house in Ikoyi. I know that he pays for all your vacations and he has straffed you everywhere in Lagos.”

Before anybody could say Jack, Onome slapped Fayo.

“How dare you?” She said.

Trust Fayo not to disappoint. Fayo tore her three solid back hand slaps in a split second and that’s how fight started. A part of me wanted to go and buy popcorn then come back and watch Fayo beat Onome to stupor. But instead, I moved to separate them. The fight was so intense that all my efforts were futile. The combat was like World War three. They kept tugging at each other and even got to the extent of pulling each other’s hair. Thank God Fayo had braids installed. So when Onome pulled her hair, she revenged and pulled hard on Onome’s own. Fia! The wig came off.

Onome’s embarrassment of a head of hair was glaring to the whole world. But it didn’t deter her. She continued the fight bravely.

Everyone was watching and even taking pictures and videos of both of them till I shouted.

“Is something wrong with all of you? You’re watching them tear each other apart and not even making any move to separate them.” I started trying to separate them again.

“Abeg o. I’m not separating anything. It’s not me that they will drag into their wahala.” One of the guys said.

“You separate them now. After all, it’s your fault that they’re fighting. If you didn’t walk out on madam Onome, none of this would be happening.” Another one said.

“Great. Until they kill each other and you all become witnesses to a murder case, that’s when you will know.” I said to them.

Like rabbits, they scurried towards us and succeeded in separating two of them.

“Leave me let me show this Warri idiot how Lagos touts behave! Oloshi! Stupid woman! This is just the beginning o! Come now! Let me remove the remaining hair on your head! Omo ale! Ashewo!” Fayo booed and continued charging towards Onome.

One of the girls was dusting Onome’s clothes as Onome got up from the floor.

At this time, people from other departments had already gathered. They were standing and watching the drama ensuing. Like typical Nigerians.

It was quite obvious that Fayo had won the fight. I was jumping for joy that Fayo had done what I had longed to do all the while. I almost gave a victory dance. But alas, my joy was short lived.