Hello Fear.

I know I have been the most inconsistent blogger in the world and that I promise and fail every single time, I’m super sorry about it and I would try to improve. Thank you very much for staying glued to the blog, I really appreciate it.

Now to my Ted Talk:

I’m writing this because I want you to think I am motivating you, but in reality, I am trying to motivate myself and give myself small hope.

So if you remember, I’ve been blabbing about producing Issa Side Chick for ages and it’s finally coming to pass in less than two weeks. Initially, I was very excited, you know, new producer on the block. I couldn’t wait for shoot week to come so I could do what I had been wanting to do for months. Everyone on my team keeps telling me to calm down with the way I ask them about everything relating to the shoot. They think I am too hyper about it and they said I should take it easy. Instead of calming down, I started doing everything on my own because I didn’t want to stop but I still didn’t want them to think I was being too extra about the whole thing.

In the last month, I’ve contacted everyone I know with a career in film making to ask them various questions, even the ones that seem so stupid. Everyone had their advice to give and I took as much as I needed to take.

Yesterday, I had a table read with my main cast and director to hear how conversations would flow and to see if they were compatible or not. As I listened to them read, my chest became heavy all of a sudden, fear gripped me. I looked at all three of them, my male and female lead have gone quite a long way with their careers but they had somehow agreed to work with me, me that’s just starting my hustle.

The fear of failing them filled my heart. So many things were running through my mind. These people were trusting me to make their time and effort worthwhile, what if it doesn’t go as planned? Why if I end up disappointing them? What if I make such a huge mess that they would regret working with me?

I had told them all the plans I had for the series like it was set in stone that everything I had planned would happen accordingly. I asked myself, ‘what if it ends up being a big flop?’ ‘What if nobody likes the outcome of the production?’ I would have broken all the promises I made to them. I wanted to just end the reading and shut the entire production down, but something both of them did held me back.

I was talking about all the things I had left to sort out and they were all willing to help me. With location, costume, everything.

“I’d talk to the owner of so and so and see if we can use the space to shoot.”

“Oh don’t worry about bringing this, we can use mine.”

“I’d help you talk to the boss at so and so, let’s see if they can sponsor.”

Something in my head went,

“You see, you’re not alone.”

There was a sudden calm in my spirit, everything felt like it was going to be fine because I knew I had good people beside me, lending a hand even when they didn’t have to. I realized that strength probably did lie in numbers. If these people believed in me enough to work with me, I’d be letting them down if I didn’t believe in myself. I told myself,

“You’re strong, you’re beautiful, you can do all things you set out to do.”

Voila, my heart was filled with pure joy, no fear, no anxiety, just joy.

I am honestly struggling to tell you people the moral of my story but I don’t even think I know what it is personally. I just felt like sharing with all of you how people I met for the first time unknowingly took my fears away.

Thank you for coming to Ted Talk.

Xx.