‘Naya. Naya’ Sophie said as she shook me. ‘Are you ok?’ she asked. ‘Yes I am.’ This is just a lot to take in. I went from being a homeless JJC in Abuja to living in a mansion like this. ‘In minutes’ I answered. Sophie laughed and said ‘You better get used to it’. I laughed too and said ‘I already adjusted myself to ajebutter mode o. No time’ Sophie replied ‘Better. Come. I’ll show you your room’. ‘Erm Sophie, who’s this?’ I asked, pointing to the portrait. ‘Ohh. That’s my father.’ She answered. People of God, it was Babatunde Akin-Cole. 

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  Your favourite girl is back guys. This time, with an apartment in Maitama, Abuja and a Toyota Rav 4, 2010 model. You want to know how I got it abi? No wahala. You know I always bring all the gist to you while it’s steaming hot. So here it is…

Last season, I decided to become a full time side chick. I met Lade, seduced him, straffed him and got dumped. Then I met Emeka, bumped into Lade again, took my revenge by breaking his relationship. Followed him to give him moral support, got caught by my mother, was disgraced publicly, flogged by my father and told to move back home. Graduated from uni with a second class upper and fortunately got posted to Abuja for youth service.
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‘I said do you people have a lift?’ I screamed at the restaurant staff again. Before they could answer, me, I glanced at the staircase and my mother was no longer visible. She had probably finished the first half of the stairs and was almost at the bottom. I took off my shoes and ran as fast as my legs could carry me to the staircase.
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‘Where are you?’ I heard my mother say over the phone, as I turned to start walking towards the staircase. You won’t believe who was standing two steps below, it was her, MRS NWOKEDI. She climbed up the rest of the stairs, walked towards me and faced me directly. Jesus. Let today be judgement day biko, just sound the trumpet and let us meet you. What was I living for again? This woman was going to kill me today. My mother is the kind of woman that is collected, prim and proper in public, but mad at home.

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‘Hello’ I said slowly. ‘What did you do that for?  Do you know what you just cost me? A relationship I have worked for, for two years. Gone down the drain, just like that.’ Lade screamed. ‘Babe calm down.’ I replied. Why was he shouting now? Is he the first person that his relationship will scatter? People that have broken up after six years didn’t shout like this, it’s now you. Ordinary two years. Mscheww. Abeg let me hear word.
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While I was making my lemonade, you wouldn’t believe who came down the stairs. Yes, you guessed right, it was Demilade Akin-Cole, the idiot who had used and dumped me. He looked better than before, like party jollof that you just want to eat up. Instead of me to be angry at him, I was angry at myself because I wanted him more than ever. The worst part was that, he was in the company of another woman. I know I am a fine girl o, but as I saw this one, my self esteem dropped, she was beautiful and had a body to die for.

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I stood up, walked majestically to the bar and found a seat. I asked for their wine list so I could pick the one I could afford. At least let me be drinking something while I was waiting for my breakthrough. Different men passed by as I waited but not one approached me. Which kain bad luck be this? Abi them dey follow me from village?

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When I got back to the hostel, I started my whole slay process as usual. Found this low cut body hugging blouse and a size smaller denim jeans. Yes, you read size smaller. Size smaller because it will arrange and package all the bum bum very well so that at least if breasts no attract, nyash go attract.

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Lade came from behind and shook me out of my shock. ‘I thought you already left’ he said. His father replied him ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes dad. She came to see me. She’s an old friend’. Old friend bawo? This one didn’t want his father to know that he was carrying babe around Lagos when his fiancée was abroad. I just bid both of them farewell and went on my way. My Uber driver was kuku already carrying face and blabbing about how he almost cancelled the trip that I was wasting time.

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‘Babe, that’s the best lunch I’ve ever had’ Lade said. I laughed loud. He really did like it and I was fulfilled. My planning and strategizing wasn’t a waste. As we were talking about how great our sex was, his fiancée called. I just picked up my clothes and walked to the bathroom as it was kuku not my business.

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