Exaggerated Realities
“So how is work? Any new thing happening?” Badmus asked me as we got to the office.
“Work’s fine. Today was just a little hectic. I just want to go home, jump in the shower and sleep.” I yawned.
“Hectic? Onome, you don’t do half the work there. What am I even saying? You don’t do any work at all, Teniola does it all. So why is work hectic all of a sudden?”
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I was so excited to have Teni out of my hair for 3 weeks. I didn’t have to see her prancing around and rubbing her stupid knowledge in my face. Most importantly, I didn’t have to be so self conscious and competitive.
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I arrived at the office late, again. Onome had already resumed by the time I walked in. As soon as she learnt of my arrival, she sent for me and conjured some story of how I had been coming late everyday and how it wasn’t good for the department.
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My name is Onome Aburu. I’m 27 years old, young, hot and beautiful. I’m the woman you want and the woman your girlfriend can never be. I wear the best clothes, drive to best cars, take luxury vacations, you name it. Money is not a problem for me. My brain works smart, and well, my body too. I work at one of the biggest insurance companies in Lagos, as head of HR. Thank God for grace sha, and Badmus, my number one man.
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“Either I kill Onome, or she kills me. But one of us has to die on the line” l said to myself. Onome is the most horrible boss ever. Such a nagging and overbearing brat who thinks she has the world at her feet. She wants everyone in HR licking the sole of her feet and worshipping the ground she walks on. Urggghhh.
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‘Naya. Naya’ Sophie said as she shook me. ‘Are you ok?’ she asked. ‘Yes I am.’ This is just a lot to take in. I went from being a homeless JJC in Abuja to living in a mansion like this. ‘In minutes’ I answered. Sophie laughed and said ‘You better get used to it’. I laughed too and said ‘I already adjusted myself to ajebutter mode o. No time’ Sophie replied ‘Better. Come. I’ll show you your room’. ‘Erm Sophie, who’s this?’ I asked, pointing to the portrait. ‘Ohh. That’s my father.’ She answered. People of God, it was Babatunde Akin-Cole.
Your favourite girl is back guys. This time, with an apartment in Maitama, Abuja and a Toyota Rav 4, 2010 model. You want to know how I got it abi? No wahala. You know I always bring all the gist to you while it’s steaming hot. So here it is…
Last season, I decided to become a full time side chick. I met Lade, seduced him, straffed him and got dumped. Then I met Emeka, bumped into Lade again, took my revenge by breaking his relationship. Followed him to give him moral support, got caught by my mother, was disgraced publicly, flogged by my father and told to move back home. Graduated from uni with a second class upper and fortunately got posted to Abuja for youth service.
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‘I said do you people have a lift?’ I screamed at the restaurant staff again. Before they could answer, me, I glanced at the staircase and my mother was no longer visible. She had probably finished the first half of the stairs and was almost at the bottom. I took off my shoes and ran as fast as my legs could carry me to the staircase.
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‘Where are you?’ I heard my mother say over the phone, as I turned to start walking towards the staircase. You won’t believe who was standing two steps below, it was her, MRS NWOKEDI. She climbed up the rest of the stairs, walked towards me and faced me directly. Jesus. Let today be judgement day biko, just sound the trumpet and let us meet you. What was I living for again? This woman was going to kill me today. My mother is the kind of woman that is collected, prim and proper in public, but mad at home.
‘Hello’ I said slowly. ‘What did you do that for? Do you know what you just cost me? A relationship I have worked for, for two years. Gone down the drain, just like that.’ Lade screamed. ‘Babe calm down.’ I replied. Why was he shouting now? Is he the first person that his relationship will scatter? People that have broken up after six years didn’t shout like this, it’s now you. Ordinary two years. Mscheww. Abeg let me hear word.
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